From Here To Obscurity. A Minion's Perspective.

Ok 
So I'm flying to Paris, I arrive at 06:15, more than a full hour before my flight. I Go for a coffee. I go to security. Guess what? Like most other people I've got my little manicure and clippers set on me and they want to take them away from me incase I go on a mad stabbing rampage with my toenail clippers. I am reluctant to surrender my property, so it is suggested that I post the items back to myself via the handy postbox. Great idea!
So I go to whsmith to purchase stamps and envelope. Neatly packaged up, I find that what they failed to inform me was that the postbox has a grill on it to prevent large items being posted in to it. So I have to open the envelope and take the items out of their little pouch so I can try and fit it in through the sliver of a gap. Then I need to locate some tape from somewhere to re-seal the envelope. Then I have to physically stuff the envelope through the tiny aperture. I eventually succeed and I feel pleased.
However on return to security they inform me I have now missed my flights.
So now I have to buy a new ticket. Don't ever buy a ticket at the airport.
Then, for your money you have to go through, let's face it, at best hapzard security clearance, and  put up with the friendly security staff. Did I say friendly? Sorry! I meant -cunting security staff. Wow- they go to charm school don't they? If being a traffic warden just isn't giving you the thrill it used to - then this is the job for you.
Yes, all i can say is they are horrible, horrible cunts. 
There will always be people who are the right people to run internment or torture camps. Thankfully in this country we have them working in our airports to greet our foreign guests. What must people think?
So here I am sitting in departures. They sure do like to keep you in here spending your money don't they?
It seems to me, like so many things in this country, something that was once a service to wider society, like my local council for instance, has somewhere along the way been subverted into being a purely money making opportunity out if us poor saps.
Is it just me, or does anyone else here feel like every morning they wake up with two fang marks in their neck? 
That's where all these fucks have invited themselves to come and try to slowly drain us completely dry.

Take my advice.
I'll take the train in future.

GERMANY: HAMBURG,BERLIN,MUNICH,KOLN...

GERMANY:
We need people to help distribute our tour flyers at HAMBURG, BERLIN, MUNICH, KOLN and...

at the following shows...

if you're already going to any of the listed shows and want to help, let me know - I'll have stuff sent to you

Your Commitment will be rewarded

sel@amplifiertheband.com

Blackmail:
17.5 Berlin- Magnet
18.5. München- 59 to 1
19.5. Köln- Luxor

Dredg:
07.06. Hamburg- Ü & G


Earth:
02.05. München- Feierwerk


Crippled Black Phoenix:
08.05. Berlin- Festsaal Kreuzberg


Explosions In The Sky:
22.05. Berlin- postbahnhof
23.05. Köln- Essigfabrik

Queens of the Stoneage:
02.05. Cologne- E-Werk
10.05. Munich- Tonhalle


The Ocean:
05.06. Berlin- Lido


Long Distance Calling German tour

SONISPHERE UK ANNOUNCEMENT

MAY 2011

We are really,really delighted to confirm that we are indeed appearing at this year's full-on extravaganza of all things that are really really ubercool rock.  SONISPHERE.

We greatly appreciate the invitation and are eagerly awaiting a great weekend.

For the full line up go here

http://uk.sonispherefestivals.com/

For tickets go here

http://uk.sonispherefestivals.com/buy-tickets/

See you there....!

Conglomorate Finance UK - A Message From Our Chairman

Conglomorate Finance UK –
A Division of Ampcorp.Industries

A Word From Our Chairman

Here at CFUK, we would like to congratulate the happy couple and extend our heartfelt thanks to them and our media divisions for providing us with yet another gracious and generous opportunity to press home our acquisition of billions of pounds of British Taxpayer’s money.

We would like our shareholders to rest kindly assured that amongst the pomp and pagentry we will be tirelessly making good on the maximum return of their assets.

Rule Brittania.

Communication Ends

Ampcorp Announcement #30: The Octopus Number 1 in Eclipsed Magazine Readers Chart

Excellent choice sir....

Ampcorp Announcement#29: The Octopus - Amazon.co.uk Rock chart 15/4/2011

Ahem...

Ampcorp is pleased.

Ampcorp Dictat #28: Special Tour Announcement The Pineapple Thief

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Vs         

 

YES!! -It is with great pleasure that we can announce the addition of the awesome and amazing UK band The Pineapple Thief  to the Amplifier UK showcases in June.

* Weds 15/06/2011 UK London XOYO                           www.seetickets.com/Tour/AMPLIFIER

* Thurs 16/06/2011 UK Manchester Soundcontrol         www.seetickets.com/Tour/AMPLIFIER

It is no secret that we are fans of this band and we are incredibly pleased that they will be joining us for our UK showcases of The Octopus, making what will already be two unique events even more special. 

Please check them out.  If you are a fan of Amplifier you will almost certainly appreciate this great and unknown and underrated UK band (does that sound familiar?).

Here’s some press about their latest album – “Someone Here Is Missing” (Kscope)

...Fans of Porcupine Tree and Radiohead that have yet to discover Soord and his band are advised to get up to date quickly, because this is also the moment when The Pineapple Thief outgrow all such comparisons and start to punch at the same weight as their more commercially successful forebears...   Classic Rock

“Building on the sweeping guitar attack of opener ‘Nothing At Best’, ‘Someone Here ts Missing’ is a cerebral affair that occasionally displays influence from Radiohead (’Wake Up The Dead’) and fills the gulf between progressive indie and a core sound that layers moments resonant with Oceansize. The eighth album from the Somerset quartet has much more of a Vex Red / Muse-inspired electronic undercurrent than O8’s ‘Tightly Unwound’, but tracks like ‘Someone Here Is Missing’ and ‘Barely Breathing’ are certainly the band’s best works, giving the prevailing sense of bittersweet acoustic melancholy that fans have come to expect and to love.”    Rocksound

But don’t take our word for it – Judge for yourself.

www.last.fm/music/The+Pineapple+Thief

www.youtube.com/user/pineapplethieftv?blend=1&ob=5

www.pineapplethief.com