From Here To Obscurity. A Minion's Perspective.

Ok 
So I'm flying to Paris, I arrive at 06:15, more than a full hour before my flight. I Go for a coffee. I go to security. Guess what? Like most other people I've got my little manicure and clippers set on me and they want to take them away from me incase I go on a mad stabbing rampage with my toenail clippers. I am reluctant to surrender my property, so it is suggested that I post the items back to myself via the handy postbox. Great idea!
So I go to whsmith to purchase stamps and envelope. Neatly packaged up, I find that what they failed to inform me was that the postbox has a grill on it to prevent large items being posted in to it. So I have to open the envelope and take the items out of their little pouch so I can try and fit it in through the sliver of a gap. Then I need to locate some tape from somewhere to re-seal the envelope. Then I have to physically stuff the envelope through the tiny aperture. I eventually succeed and I feel pleased.
However on return to security they inform me I have now missed my flights.
So now I have to buy a new ticket. Don't ever buy a ticket at the airport.
Then, for your money you have to go through, let's face it, at best hapzard security clearance, and  put up with the friendly security staff. Did I say friendly? Sorry! I meant -cunting security staff. Wow- they go to charm school don't they? If being a traffic warden just isn't giving you the thrill it used to - then this is the job for you.
Yes, all i can say is they are horrible, horrible cunts. 
There will always be people who are the right people to run internment or torture camps. Thankfully in this country we have them working in our airports to greet our foreign guests. What must people think?
So here I am sitting in departures. They sure do like to keep you in here spending your money don't they?
It seems to me, like so many things in this country, something that was once a service to wider society, like my local council for instance, has somewhere along the way been subverted into being a purely money making opportunity out if us poor saps.
Is it just me, or does anyone else here feel like every morning they wake up with two fang marks in their neck? 
That's where all these fucks have invited themselves to come and try to slowly drain us completely dry.

Take my advice.
I'll take the train in future.